There Is A Happy Land
by double scotch.single malt
Summary: MD One-shot, a magical moment in time inspired by the 170-year-old hymn, "There Is A Happy Land".


**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.  
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**Author's Note: I heard a snippet of this hymn on Friday, it was sung by Cherry Jones as part of an audio recording of the "Little House on Prairie" CD set. Needless to say, I drove my girls crazy by backing the CD up several times to hear the lyrics so I could find the song on the internet because I instantly knew there was something I wanted to do with it from Meredith's POV ... from her childhood … her true character. **

**A youtube search resulted in only a couple of videos to choose from, so I highly recommend you do a search and take a listen, it's a lovely little hymn with words by Andrew Young, 1838 and music composed by Leonard P. Breedlove, 1850.**

****There Is A Happy Land****

There is a happy land, far, far away,  
>Where saints in glory stand, bright, bright as day.<br>Oh, how they sweetly sing, worthy is our Savior King,  
>Loud let His praises ring, praise, praise for aye.<p>

Come to that happy land, come, come away;  
>Why will ye doubting stand, why still delay?<br>Oh, we shall happy be, when from sin and sorrow free,  
>Lord, we shall live with Thee, blest, blest for aye.<p>

Bright, in that happy land, beams every eye;  
>Kept by a Father's hand, love cannot die.<br>Oh, then to glory run; be a crown and kingdom won;  
>And, bright, above the sun, we reign for aye.<p>

###

**There Is A Happy Land**

_Long ago, I was a child who was born a cynic – a natural born cynic – and as fate would have it, I was born to a mother who didn't want me and to a father who didn't love me enough to withstand her wrath and cruelty._

_Long ago, I was hardened to the world all around me, hardened enough to ignore those pangs of love I sometimes searched for in the vast emptiness of my days and nights._

_Long ago, I learned to fight for myself, I learned that no one else would fight my battles, that no one else could be depended upon in my hours of need as they would come to present themselves (the needs). _

_Long ago, I was a young woman who saw the world through a pair of gray tinted glasses – not rose-colored like many other children – but gray and somewhat lifeless and most of the time shaded with the dull aura of my sadness. _

_Long ago, I had a dream, the same one for many, many years – a recurring one – a dream that most abandoned children might dare to have … a dream of a happy place, somewhere far off and into the future. A place where everything was in fact rosy and love could be felt and returned in kind – the quintessential fairy tale of a dream that lived in perpetuity inside my mind's eye – my own private place of happiness. _

_And oh was that land, that imaginary place, beautiful … after all it was the stuff made from dreams. With its evergreen trees dancing in the wind and tickling my face and neck and the salt and sea air, both damp and cold, filling my lungs while my eyes roamed the land, still and quiet and mine … all mine. _

_And inside that dream, I would invariably find myself quite content and happy and though cold and alone – I knew that somewhere on that landscape there was a magical house, a homestead – where I imagined there would be a bright fire of orange and gold burning at hearth inside, where the smoke from the fire would funnel along the chimney and twirl up and into that cold gray sky … its silent message, calling me home. _

###

The wind howled outside as I sat ensconced inside that dream where my gateways roamed the rustic landscape of all of those dreams, so haphazardly fulfilled now. I shook my head, willing myself to stand firm and move away from the very edge of our land of happiness, for maybe he was right, maybe it was too cold outside today.

I blinked and let my reflexive tears pop from my eyes – _we had done it_ – I shivered and hunkered down and into my coat, standing still, holding my resolve as I once again felt the need to test my reality … and my fate … and my destiny … all with my back to our home.

The wind pushed against my face and chest, _'turn, turn around'_ it chanted while I stood and held my ground, even now, even still – _despite having shared my dream of a happy land a long, long time ago _– especially the part about the warm fire inside and the smoke stack calling me home … home, he always made it feel like home, wherever we ended up together, it always felt like home … and so as it was, a deserving place, our place out here on this land of … happiness.

Smiling, I let myself become lost in the memories of the day – _graduation caps flying in the air, the taste of the sweet buttercream icing as it filled my mouth, her bright, yet jet black eyes as she spotted us in the crowd, his proud, firm smile and of course the tilt of his head as he regarded her, our angel_, _our savior_ – I shivered, willing myself to also remember these memories, testing myself, searing those special moments in time, locking them for safe keeping, for forever and always.

I sighed inside and was about to turn around and make my way home – _my chosen memories still swirling in mind's eye – 'I was fine'_, I reminded myself … there were no signs of trouble.

Exhaling, I made to turn on my heel, but stopped when I heard the sound of the earth crackling under the steady march of footsteps. And so I stayed put and let my eyes wander over the landscape yet again, the sun setting behind me as my tears dried upon my face, both weathered and cold while I waited – _waited for what I knew would come_ – the moment my dream came true over and over again.

And then it happened, just like it had for so many years already, it was warm and predictable and _mine_. He draped our heirloom blanket over my shoulders – _lavender and soft and familiar –_ his hands smoothing it down as he went, his hot breath tickling the nape of my neck, _hot, cold, hot, cold_, he held me close.

"It's cold out here, you were right," I said after a long minute, inching closer to his innate heat.

"How are you feeling?" he asked of me after another minute. I watched tufts of his warm breath float up and into the darkening sky.

"Reflective," I answered with predictability, for he knew me so well now. I smiled and turned toward him, briefly searching the depths of his uncertain blue eyes as the smoke stack billowed behind us, twirling up and out of the chimney there, just like it always had.

"It was a big day," he mused softly, tilting his head as he regarded me … checked on me.

"It was a _great_ day," I smiled, focusing on the glitter of his endless blue eyes. "It was like a dream," I intimated, drawing him near.

"She was beautiful up there … our girl … she grew up …," he smiled, drawing me near, the envelope of his arms folding around me where we began to sway alongside the wind.

"She was … time has flown …," I smiled, reaching up to cradle his face, his stubble, warm and perfectly rough under the pads of my fingers.

"We're empty-nesters, Meredith," he smiled brilliantly, brushing his nose against mine.

I laughed out loud and kissed him then, soft and quick, just like we had done … for forever. "We survived high school … again," I mused with a snicker, my fingertips moving through the salt and pepper of his wavy hair.

"We're survivors," he agreed before he kissed me again, more urgently this time.

I felt myself become pliant in his arms as he held me and rocked me and kissed me, my body responding of its own free will … still, after all these years –_ all it took was a split-second_ – one kiss … one touch … one moment alone with our eyes fastened to one another's … a split-second was still all it took.

"Now what?" I wondered, husking into his mouth as I held on tight and we began our pilgrimage home … waltzing together as the smokestack rose higher and higher into the early night sky … calling to us.

"College … and medical school, if we're lucky," he joked as we moved closer and closer to the house.

"Way to put some pressure on her, Derek," I laughed as I slowed my pace slightly.

We stopped at the porch steps and I looked up and into the sky at the smoke, temporarily losing myself in its rhythm. Derek put his hand on the small of my back and held me close as and there inside the moment he kissed my temple and waited for me – _waited with me while I basked in that dream come true, for my fate and destiny to catch up with my reality once again_ – he smiled and tugged on my hand.

And so I acquiesced and let him lead me home just as he had done for so many years. He opened the door and I waited for that triangle of soft yellow light to appear and as it did, we stepped inside and there it was _– the fire, bright and orange and gold_ – flickering with life and heat and shadows against the walls of the living room where the energy was warm and familiar and ours … and something I would surely never forget, no matter what would happen … for this was place was how we came to define our love … this was the nerve-center of our life, together.

###

_For now, I was a mother to a child who I loved and revered in ways that I still cannot fully explain or express. And over these years we have spent together – mother, daughter, father; a family – off went my cynicism and it was miraculously replaced with hope. _

_For now, I was soft around the edges, the mass of my gray area even larger, suffice to say his was too – for that was what parenthood had taught us – that wasn't really about just me or him … but about her and how we chose to love her … and us and how we would come to shape and mold her, just like we had become more malleable. _

_And now, I don't fight my own battles _–_ I choose them wisely and know that when the time comes I can call upon him and he will be there to support me _–_ and so as time has moved on, it is true, I don't find myself alone in my dark and twistiness and he … has come to understand how to retrieve me if I go to that dark place by myself and perhaps more importantly, he doesn't judge me when saves me. _

_For now, we are together and happy and have been for a very long time … balanced by one another, keeping each other safe and warm while we dare each other to dream of our happy land … and live there too. _

_This place inside of our dreams, a magical place we have recreated – our homestead, a place where anything is possible – a place where we are safe and warm and encapsulated by the love we have for one another and for our, dear sweet girl with her all-seeing, jet black eyes … a place where fairy tales are lived out in perpetuity … a place where lovers and soul mates do in fact exist … a dreamlike place where there are also cures for the incurable. _

**-END-**


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